Understand The 10 Ways To Marry The Wrong Person?

All of us want to marry the correct person, the one destined for us. However, more often than not, many have chosen to overlook some important aspects of marriage, of their life-long partner. End results? Divorce.

I believe it is now very common to hear people getting divorce. In fact, divorce rate was as high as 50% or more in United States of America. In Singapore, we are catching up, which is indeed not a very good sign.

Probably, that is one of the reasons why Singaporeans are so reluctant to give birth to new babies. Lack of security and faith in the relationships.

Thus, it is time to start considering seriously if the person standing next to you, holding your hands and hugging you is the one who you want to live with for the rest of your life.

Why go through the trouble of getting married then realized that both parties are not suitable for each other and get a divorce, right?

Now, I am not saying that you will not get a divorce if you adhere to the following advice. At least it will lower your risk of having to go through that.

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#1. You pick the wrong person because you expect him/her to change after you're married.

The classic mistake. Never marry potential. The golden rule is, if you can't be happy with the person the way he or she is now, don't get married.

As a colleague of mine so wisely put it, 'You actually can expect people to change after their married... for the worst!'

So when it comes to the other person's spirituality, character, personal hygiene, communication skills, and personal habits, make sure you can live with these as they are now.

#2. You pick the wrong person because you focus more on chemistry than on character.

Chemistry ignites the fire, but good character keeps it burning. Beware of the 'I'm in love' syndrome. 'I'm in love' often means, 'I'm in lust.' Attraction is there, but have you carefully checked out this person's
character?

Here are four character traits to definitely check for:

Humility: Does this person believe that 'doing the right thing' is more important than personal comfort?

Kindness: Does this person enjoy giving pleasure to other people? How does s/he treat people s/he doesn't have to be nice to? Does s/he do volunteer work? Give charity?

Responsibility: Can I depend on this person to do what s/he says s/he's going to do?

Happiness: Does this person like himself? Does s/he enjoy life? Is s/he emotionally stable?

Ask yourself: Do I want to be more like this person? Do I want to have a child with this person? Would I like my child to turn out like him or her?

#3. You pick the wrong person because the man doesn't understand what a woman needs most.

Men and women have unique emotional needs, and more often than not, it is the man who just doesn't 'get it.' Jewish tradition places the onus on the man to understand the emotional needs of a woman and to satisfy them.

The unique need of a woman is to be loved -- to feel that she is the most important person in her husband's life. The husband needs to give her consistent, quality attention.

This is most apparent in Judaism's approach to sexual intimacy. The Torah obligates the husband to meet the sexual needs of his wife. Sexual intimacy is always on the woman's terms. Men are goal-oriented, especially when it comes to this area. As a wise woman once pointed out, 'Men have
two speeds: on and off.' Women are experience-oriented. When a man is able to switch gears and become more experience-oriented, he will discover what makes his wife very happy. When the man forgets about his own needs and focuses on giving his wife pleasure, amazing things happen.

#4. You choose the wrong person because you do not share a common life goals and priorities.

There are three basic ways we connect with another person:

1. chemistry and compatibility

2. share common interests

3. share common life goal

Make sure you share the deeper level of connection that sharing life goals provide. After marriage, the two of you will either grow together or grow apart. To avoid growing apart, you must figure out what you're 'living for,' while you're single -- and then find someone who has come to the same
conclusion as you.

This is the true definition of a 'soul mate.' A soul mate is a goal mate -- two people who ultimately share the same understanding of life' purpose and therefore share the same priorities, values and goals.

#5. You choose the wrong person because you get involved sexually too quickly.

Sexual involvement before the commitment of marriage can be a big problem because it often precludes a fully honest exploration of important issues.

Sexual involvement tends to cloud one's mind. And a clouded mind is not inclined to make good decisions.

It is not necessary to take a 'test drive' in order to find out if a couple is sexually compatible. If you do your homework and make sure you are intellectually and emotionally compatible, you don't have to worry about sexual compatibility. Of all the studies done on divorce, sexual incompatibility is never cited as a main reason why people divorce.

#6. You pick the wrong person because you do not have a deeper emotional connection with this person.

To evaluate whether you have a deeper emotional connection or not, ask: 'Do I respect and admire this person?'

This does not mean, 'Am I impressed by this person?' We are impressed by a Mercedes. We do not respect someone because they own a Mercedes. You should be impressed by qualities of creativity, loyalty, determination, etc.

Also ask: 'Do I trust this person?' This also means, 'Is he/she emotionally stable? Do I feel I can rely on him/her?

#7. You pick the wrong person because you choose someone with whom you don't feel emotionally safe.

Ask yourself the following questions: Do I feel calm, peaceful and relaxed with this person? Can I fully be myself and express myself with this person? Does this person make me feel good about myself? Do you have a really close friend who does make you feel this way? Make sure the person you marry makes you feel the same way!

Are you afraid of this person in any way? You should not feel you need to monitor what you say because you are afraid of how the other person will view it. If you're afraid to express your feelings and opinions openly, there's a problem with the relationship.

Another aspect of feeling safe is that you don't feel the other person is trying to control you. Controlling behaviors are a sign of an abusive person. Be on the lookout for someone who is always trying to change you.

There's a big difference between 'controlling' and 'making suggestions.' A suggestion is made for your benefit; a control statement is made for their benefit.

#8. You pick the wrong person because you don't put everything on the table.

Anything that bothers you about the relationship must be brought up for discussion. Bringing up the uncomfortable stuff is the only way to evaluate how well the two of you communicate, negotiate, and work together. Over the course of a lifetime, difficulties will inevitably arise. You need to
know now, before making a commitment: Can you resolve your differences and find compromises that work for both of you?

Never be afraid to let the person know what bothers you. This is also a way for you to test how vulnerable you can be with this person. If you can't be vulnerable, then you can't be intimate. The two go hand in hand.

#9. You pick the wrong person because you use the relationship to escape from personal problems and unhappiness.

If you are unhappy and single, you'll probably be unhappy and married, too.

If you are unhappy and single, you'll probably be unhappy and married, too. Marriage does not fix personal, psychological and emotional problems. If anything, marriage will exacerbate them.

If you are not happy with yourself and your life, take responsibility to fix it now while you are single. You'll feel better, and your future spouse will thank you.

#10. You pick the wrong person because he/she is involved in a triangle.

To be 'triangulated' means a person is emotionally dependent on someone or something else while trying to develop another relationship. A person who hasn't separated from his or her parents is the classic example of triangulation. People can also be triangulated with things as well, such
as work, drugs, Internet, hobbies, sports or money.

Be careful that you and your partner are free of triangles. The person caught in the triangle cannot be fully emotionally available to you. You will not be their number one priority. And that's no basis for a marriage.

Urging to Improve Your Romance Life?

What do a man who went through two divorces and a woman who went through over 30 years of unfruitful relationships have to teach you about bringing those long lost romantic and loving moments back into your life?

• Learn about the different passages of your romance life and how to use them to become a better, more romantic and loving partner
  

• Why being too conscious about your relationship can break your love relationship rather than make it
  

• See why your fantasy of an ideal relationship can be the exact reason for your failing relationship
  

• Why hiding your true self and your emotional baggage from your romance partner can be devastating to your relationship
  

• Understand how quarrels can improve your relationship rather than break it

Click Here And Start Bringing Romance Back Into Your Life

Are You Neglecting Your Life? Or Parts of Them?

These past few days, I was listening to an audio on how to build great relationship with your love partner. Nope, not your sex partner I'm taking about here but your romance partner, though he/she can be the same person. ^^

Now if you are thinking, "Why in the hell would you want to listen to such audio?", the answer is actually very simple. Like many people out there, I want to become a better romance partner. Nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed of.

The fact is everyone urge to be loved. However, how many of us are really a good lover to start with? Is it fair to ask others to do something which we cannot even achieve ourselves?

"The golden rule states "Do unto other what you want others to do unto you".

That is to say, if you expect something from another person, first offer what you wanted to him/her first.

Thus, if you are not able to deliver what you want, it gives you no right to demand that from other people, isn't it?

And my question here is, are you learning to become a better lover each day? Too often than not, we have put too much emphasis on only skills which can improve our productivity at work while neglecting other more important life skills which make us a better person as a whole. Are you guilty of that too?

No amount of success you achieved in an area of your life can make up for your failure in another. What you want to achieve is not successes in just a few areas of your life but in all areas of your life.

How many people when lying on their deathbed wished that they had spent more time in the office, working? Not one!!

And even having said so, are you currently taking actions to change that?

• What steps are you taking to ensure that you have a thriving relationship with your loved one?
  

• What habits do you want to change for the better?
  

• What are the words should you be saying more or less?
  

• Are you expected to carry out more concrete actions to display your love for the other party?
  

No man is perfect, so save yourself the time and effort from trying. Perfection is not what you want to go for in life, excellence is.

What you seek here is not to become a perfect partner but an improving one.

And if you are interested in knowing more, you may want to keep a lookout for the future posts to come. I will be posting more thoughts on what I have learnt from the audio course here.

Hopefully, they may be more some help to you too. ^^

The Quickest Way to Find Love Is to Give Love

And the easiest way to lose love is to hold on to it tightly. Surely, life doesn't aways give what you want. However, what you have experienced or missed earlier on in your life is to allow to grow as to be ready to receive better prizes in the future.

Have you encounter people who always shut love out of their lives, claiming that they can live better without love meddling into their lives or are constantly complaining that true love is always hard to come by.

"If you think you can, or cannot, you are right!". The wise words from Henry Ford. If you look back into your life, you will get to recognize the fact that the outcomes of your present life is none other than the consequences of the choices you made earlier on in your life.

Your beliefs, principles and values you hold in your life determines the choices you made which in turn decides what the outcome of your life it will be.

Thus, the easiest way to change the outcome of your life is to simply change your belief. Well, I did say it is simple, however, I never said it is easy. Imagine changing a belief which you hold onto so tightly since you were young till now. How easy is it to change it?

As hard as it may be, it is not impossible. To keep doing what you did on the same thing and expecting a different result is pure insanity.

Therefore, if you find yourself not getting the amount of love you desire or not having the type of friendship or romance partner you are asking for, start delving into your own beliefs and pick out those which are working against your desires and work towards changing them.

Every experiences in your life have their own purposes to serve. Lament not what things which have been taken away from you. Rather, anticipate what good things are to come after this.

Personally, I think it is never fair to judge the situation at that moment. Rather, leave your judgment to a later part of your life then decide if the prize you receive now is worth the wait and sacrifices or not.

At least, up to this point of my life, I am truly grateful for everything, good or bad that happened to me. For it is those experiences that mold the today me.

Want to see better outcome in your life? Then start to make better choices! Why complicate such a simple stuff?

A Jerk Versus A Nice Guy

One question for the ladies. Who do you like more? A jerk or a teddy bear nice guy?

Well, I don't know about you, however, I often find girls falling for the jerks rather than for the teddy nice guy. And I always wonder why.

Just as I was wondering and doing some research on the web (yup, I'm bored alright!) I came to understand the reason why girls often give up good, nice guys for those nasty jerks.

A great deal of the time, girls mistaken self-centeredness for self esteem and arrogance for high confidence.

While for the nice, teddy bear guys, they are often perceived as being gutless and always giving in to what the girl wants.

Well, females are definitely some weird creatures in my opinion. You can't always give in to them for they will view you as a spineless gay.

Therefore guys, if you think doing only the things the girls want is going to make them happy, think again.

Girls need guys who know how to make the correct decisions and still make them happy WITHOUT telling the guys what they want. This shows that the guys understands them and care about them. Funny creatures, isn't it? They just can't verbally tell you what they want or like. They just enjoy playing the guessing game.

Guess correctly, you are rewarded with huge amounts of kisses and hugs. Guess wrongly, oh oh oh... I shall leave that to your imagination.

To me, girls don't fancy guys who only cares about what they want.

Therefore, to be an ideal guy for your girl, know what you want and go for them while at the same time, know what your girl wants and get it for them.

To me, that is what most girls want, isn't it girls? :)

7th April 2008 - Thanks For Remembering...

This particular day is definitely different from the previous 23 years. Although I have not been really celebrating that day for the past 23 years, in this year 2008, that day proved to be quite unforgettable and very enjoyable.

I got quite some interesting presents for that day. First, a lot of goodies from my air stewardess. Because of her goodies I manage to gain more weight... All thanks to you Grace. ^^

Secondly is the special present from my sisters. A S$200 Levis voucher!! I still don't really know what makes them want to give me the vouchers. Nevertheless, I will be sure to buy something I like with that...

Thirdly, is the present from my dear! Lolx... She actually spent quite a lot of money for that day, a day which I don't put any emphasize on.

1. A 5 CDs love songs! Very nice. She knows I like soothing songs. Nice packaging too! ^^
2. A wonderful and INSIGHTFUL buffet dinner at Meritus Mandarin. Because of that dinner I get to know my dear better.
3. An interesting and very relaxing short trip to Bintan. Although it is just a short 2D1N trip, it is probably one of my most relaxing trip I had so far. No worries, no schedule to follow and no one to listen to. Only me and her... Walk, talk, joke and laugh. ^^

And of course to those who takes the time and effort to remember that day for me. You know I appreciate it. ^^