What Animals Can Teach You About Relationships?

We humans have always pride ourselves over our intelligent and ever growing intellectual mightiness.

However, as much of a blessing, it too can end up as a shortcoming for us. It can be both a blessing and a curse.

The fact is there are still pretty much things we can learn from our relatives from the animal kingdom. It is time for us to put down our pride and ego to learn about the wonderful and inspiring lessons they have in preparation for us.

What Kind of Services Are You Rendering?

As the world's economy takes a downturn in the year 2009, many people are getting more and more stress over their financial.

People are losing their jobs and unemployment rate in developed and developing countries escalate. As we continue to focus more on our financial health, we are slowly beginning to lose focus on something which holds a more position in our lives, our relationships.

Some people think that having financial independence is the most important goal in their lives for they believe that after they have successfully achieve financial freedom, they will have the time and security to do what they want to in the first place.

How contradicting! If one could do sufficient research or read enough biographies of the extremely successful people out there, they do not place financial freedom as their top priority goal.

Think about this question, doing what you love and achieving financial freedom, which one comes first? No, no. This is not the usual chicken-and-egg question.

You may or may not agree with me. However, I personally believe that attaining financial freedom is the result of you doing what you love and what you like. Not the other way round.

My argument for my stand is very simple. What are the qualities you think an extremely successful people have to possess in order to achieve what s/he has in life?

Perseverance? Determination? Perspiration? Passion? Purpose? Integrity?

Are these qualities cultivatable? Well, certainly, isn't it? However, under what circumstances are you able to cultivate such desirable qualities?

To be successful, at least in your financial area, doing what you are doing right now is not going to work. If it will work, it would have worked out long time ago, isn't it?

If you keep doing what you have done, you will keep getting what you have gotten.

You have to do today what others won't to get tomorrow what others don't. And that involves you in going the extra mile, investing more effort and time in your work or whatever you are doing, business, investment etc.

And how can that be ever possible if you are not already passionate, motivated or inspired for excellence in what you are currently doing?

Your ability in you achieving your financial independence does not lies in your ability to preserve through hard time or invest the extra effort and time to deliver excellence in your work.

To me, all those will come automatically, only if you first realize one thing, the kind of value you can and will deliver to others.

In this world, regardless of what you do, you are being paid for the value you render to other people. Now, we are not talking about the true value of the service you are providing.

On a personal level, I think everyone is rendering invaluable, priceless service to one another. However, the truth is, the world tried to put a price tag in everything we do.

As a matter of fact, it is never the true value which others are interested in. Rather, it is the perceived value of your service which others pay you for.

If the service you render is easily available, then naturally, the perceived value of your service is not going to fetch a high price. On the other hand, if you are going to provide a truly valuable service which not many people can deliver, you can be sure you will be highly paid for it.

So how can this information helps you in attaining the financial freedom you always desire?

Well, the answer is pretty simple, over deliver. The ordinary just do what they are paid for. However, now, you know better. You know that in order to get paid better, regardless of whether it is in your work or business, you have to over deliver.

Good is the enemy of GREAT! You know you will not settle for anything less, naturally, you will not deliver anything less too.

Nevertheless, the desire to over deliver lies not in your capability but in your desire. Are you truly passionate and motivated in doing what you do? Do you always believe the true service of you are rendering?

All these have to first start with a genuine interest. A genuine interest in others. Until you manage to come out of your self ego and start recognizing the needs and wants of others, it will almost be impossible for you to render valuable service to others.

Jim Rohn once mentioned that if you help enough people to get what they want, you will get what you want.

The start to your successes in life lies in not your own interest, but your interest in others.

People often claimed that it is money which makes the world goes round. That is certainly far away from the truth.

It is never money which makes the world goes round. It is the relationships between us, mankind that keeps the Earth revolving.

Prosperity will not come to you until you bring prosperity to others. Success, money and fame will not knock on your doors until you deliver to the doors of others.

That is how important relationships are.

Let others get themselves all stressed up and frustrated over their financial but not you. You now know better that instead of wasting your time in unnecessary worries, why not invest it in some other more beneficial activities, e.g building healthy relationships with others and providing highly perceived valued services to others.

Remember, the rich network while the poor just work.

It is up to you to decide what work you want to get involved in.

Understand The 10 Ways To Marry The Wrong Person?

All of us want to marry the correct person, the one destined for us. However, more often than not, many have chosen to overlook some important aspects of marriage, of their life-long partner. End results? Divorce.

I believe it is now very common to hear people getting divorce. In fact, divorce rate was as high as 50% or more in United States of America. In Singapore, we are catching up, which is indeed not a very good sign.

Probably, that is one of the reasons why Singaporeans are so reluctant to give birth to new babies. Lack of security and faith in the relationships.

Thus, it is time to start considering seriously if the person standing next to you, holding your hands and hugging you is the one who you want to live with for the rest of your life.

Why go through the trouble of getting married then realized that both parties are not suitable for each other and get a divorce, right?

Now, I am not saying that you will not get a divorce if you adhere to the following advice. At least it will lower your risk of having to go through that.

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#1. You pick the wrong person because you expect him/her to change after you're married.

The classic mistake. Never marry potential. The golden rule is, if you can't be happy with the person the way he or she is now, don't get married.

As a colleague of mine so wisely put it, 'You actually can expect people to change after their married... for the worst!'

So when it comes to the other person's spirituality, character, personal hygiene, communication skills, and personal habits, make sure you can live with these as they are now.

#2. You pick the wrong person because you focus more on chemistry than on character.

Chemistry ignites the fire, but good character keeps it burning. Beware of the 'I'm in love' syndrome. 'I'm in love' often means, 'I'm in lust.' Attraction is there, but have you carefully checked out this person's
character?

Here are four character traits to definitely check for:

Humility: Does this person believe that 'doing the right thing' is more important than personal comfort?

Kindness: Does this person enjoy giving pleasure to other people? How does s/he treat people s/he doesn't have to be nice to? Does s/he do volunteer work? Give charity?

Responsibility: Can I depend on this person to do what s/he says s/he's going to do?

Happiness: Does this person like himself? Does s/he enjoy life? Is s/he emotionally stable?

Ask yourself: Do I want to be more like this person? Do I want to have a child with this person? Would I like my child to turn out like him or her?

#3. You pick the wrong person because the man doesn't understand what a woman needs most.

Men and women have unique emotional needs, and more often than not, it is the man who just doesn't 'get it.' Jewish tradition places the onus on the man to understand the emotional needs of a woman and to satisfy them.

The unique need of a woman is to be loved -- to feel that she is the most important person in her husband's life. The husband needs to give her consistent, quality attention.

This is most apparent in Judaism's approach to sexual intimacy. The Torah obligates the husband to meet the sexual needs of his wife. Sexual intimacy is always on the woman's terms. Men are goal-oriented, especially when it comes to this area. As a wise woman once pointed out, 'Men have
two speeds: on and off.' Women are experience-oriented. When a man is able to switch gears and become more experience-oriented, he will discover what makes his wife very happy. When the man forgets about his own needs and focuses on giving his wife pleasure, amazing things happen.

#4. You choose the wrong person because you do not share a common life goals and priorities.

There are three basic ways we connect with another person:

1. chemistry and compatibility

2. share common interests

3. share common life goal

Make sure you share the deeper level of connection that sharing life goals provide. After marriage, the two of you will either grow together or grow apart. To avoid growing apart, you must figure out what you're 'living for,' while you're single -- and then find someone who has come to the same
conclusion as you.

This is the true definition of a 'soul mate.' A soul mate is a goal mate -- two people who ultimately share the same understanding of life' purpose and therefore share the same priorities, values and goals.

#5. You choose the wrong person because you get involved sexually too quickly.

Sexual involvement before the commitment of marriage can be a big problem because it often precludes a fully honest exploration of important issues.

Sexual involvement tends to cloud one's mind. And a clouded mind is not inclined to make good decisions.

It is not necessary to take a 'test drive' in order to find out if a couple is sexually compatible. If you do your homework and make sure you are intellectually and emotionally compatible, you don't have to worry about sexual compatibility. Of all the studies done on divorce, sexual incompatibility is never cited as a main reason why people divorce.

#6. You pick the wrong person because you do not have a deeper emotional connection with this person.

To evaluate whether you have a deeper emotional connection or not, ask: 'Do I respect and admire this person?'

This does not mean, 'Am I impressed by this person?' We are impressed by a Mercedes. We do not respect someone because they own a Mercedes. You should be impressed by qualities of creativity, loyalty, determination, etc.

Also ask: 'Do I trust this person?' This also means, 'Is he/she emotionally stable? Do I feel I can rely on him/her?

#7. You pick the wrong person because you choose someone with whom you don't feel emotionally safe.

Ask yourself the following questions: Do I feel calm, peaceful and relaxed with this person? Can I fully be myself and express myself with this person? Does this person make me feel good about myself? Do you have a really close friend who does make you feel this way? Make sure the person you marry makes you feel the same way!

Are you afraid of this person in any way? You should not feel you need to monitor what you say because you are afraid of how the other person will view it. If you're afraid to express your feelings and opinions openly, there's a problem with the relationship.

Another aspect of feeling safe is that you don't feel the other person is trying to control you. Controlling behaviors are a sign of an abusive person. Be on the lookout for someone who is always trying to change you.

There's a big difference between 'controlling' and 'making suggestions.' A suggestion is made for your benefit; a control statement is made for their benefit.

#8. You pick the wrong person because you don't put everything on the table.

Anything that bothers you about the relationship must be brought up for discussion. Bringing up the uncomfortable stuff is the only way to evaluate how well the two of you communicate, negotiate, and work together. Over the course of a lifetime, difficulties will inevitably arise. You need to
know now, before making a commitment: Can you resolve your differences and find compromises that work for both of you?

Never be afraid to let the person know what bothers you. This is also a way for you to test how vulnerable you can be with this person. If you can't be vulnerable, then you can't be intimate. The two go hand in hand.

#9. You pick the wrong person because you use the relationship to escape from personal problems and unhappiness.

If you are unhappy and single, you'll probably be unhappy and married, too.

If you are unhappy and single, you'll probably be unhappy and married, too. Marriage does not fix personal, psychological and emotional problems. If anything, marriage will exacerbate them.

If you are not happy with yourself and your life, take responsibility to fix it now while you are single. You'll feel better, and your future spouse will thank you.

#10. You pick the wrong person because he/she is involved in a triangle.

To be 'triangulated' means a person is emotionally dependent on someone or something else while trying to develop another relationship. A person who hasn't separated from his or her parents is the classic example of triangulation. People can also be triangulated with things as well, such
as work, drugs, Internet, hobbies, sports or money.

Be careful that you and your partner are free of triangles. The person caught in the triangle cannot be fully emotionally available to you. You will not be their number one priority. And that's no basis for a marriage.

A Jerk Versus A Nice Guy

One question for the ladies. Who do you like more? A jerk or a teddy bear nice guy?

Well, I don't know about you, however, I often find girls falling for the jerks rather than for the teddy nice guy. And I always wonder why.

Just as I was wondering and doing some research on the web (yup, I'm bored alright!) I came to understand the reason why girls often give up good, nice guys for those nasty jerks.

A great deal of the time, girls mistaken self-centeredness for self esteem and arrogance for high confidence.

While for the nice, teddy bear guys, they are often perceived as being gutless and always giving in to what the girl wants.

Well, females are definitely some weird creatures in my opinion. You can't always give in to them for they will view you as a spineless gay.

Therefore guys, if you think doing only the things the girls want is going to make them happy, think again.

Girls need guys who know how to make the correct decisions and still make them happy WITHOUT telling the guys what they want. This shows that the guys understands them and care about them. Funny creatures, isn't it? They just can't verbally tell you what they want or like. They just enjoy playing the guessing game.

Guess correctly, you are rewarded with huge amounts of kisses and hugs. Guess wrongly, oh oh oh... I shall leave that to your imagination.

To me, girls don't fancy guys who only cares about what they want.

Therefore, to be an ideal guy for your girl, know what you want and go for them while at the same time, know what your girl wants and get it for them.

To me, that is what most girls want, isn't it girls? :)